January 2020

Well Lovers, we made it! 2020! Perfect Vision, the year it's all gonna happen! This is our year!

If we only knew what was coming! I have to wonder if our worlds would have looked little differently the first couple months of the year if we had God's insight into the rest of it.  I feel like we would have been way more prepared in the education world! We went from one way of life one day and did 180 degree shift basically over night in how we operated, reached our kids, and kept the ball rolling as best we could.  I think if we could have prepared our families and students it would have looked differently, or at least some of the anxiety could have been lifted.  But we learned a lot, made it through as we do, and now we have a much better grasp on the whole as to how to handle situations like "The 'Rona".

SOO...January.....As I remember it was a very strange month.  It was filled with doctors appointments and uncertainty.   I met with my medical oncologist for the first time. **You won't believe this lovers, but my oncologist is actually a good friend I graduated high school with! Get chu an oncologist with an extra invested interest in you for sure!!**

It's a very humbling experience to walk into an oncologist office period but especially humbling to walk in as a patient, It's very overwhelming.   You are given alot of information.  Like ALOT of information.   We were in the room with my doctor for about an hour or more.  We know my diagnosis and stage but what we didn't know is where to proceed.  So my doctor laid out a few plans of action.   One plan you basically came in, the hooked you up with your chemo and you would wear a fanny pack for a week or two (I can't remember because I didn't choose that one) side effects traditionally were less because it was a slow release instead of a couple hour infusion.  The other option, the one I went with, was a combo of pills and a triweekly infusion.  This is what I went with in the end because it was less in and out of the doctors office and my friend even worked my schedule to make it even more minimal to come in. After this appointment we were told to go home process everything and she was going to present my case (evidently I was presented alot) to the board of doctors and we would reconvene in a few weeks to make a plan. There was a possibility I wouldn't need any sort of treatment.  That was a very bright spot, even a glimmer of hope to not have to go through chemo.

A few weeks pass, I continue life as normal, and we meet back with my doctor. As promised she met with the board and she told us basically no one would say I was crazy if I denied chemo since nothing had spread, and I was a stage 2A,  I then asked her, if she were in my position what would she do. She paused, thought not as a doctor but as my friend, and said "I would probably go ahead with treatment. If for no other reason but to give yourself the best shot of it not coming back."  I looked at my mom and for the first time I cried.   My mom simply hugged me, took my hand and said we will get through it.  With that the next few months would be devoted to staying healthy and simply getting though the chemo process.  The good news is because of my diagnosis I only had to do half of the usual 8 rounds.

About a week later, we had an education appointment where things continue to get real. In this appointment my sweet sweet nurse Tiffany went through everything chemo.  My mom was late to this appointment and God love if I wasn't crying when she walked in! Time two I broke down, what cha gonna do?!  We took in all the information mostly what to expect and every horrible side effect  that could and would happen. Chemo reacts differently to every person so they can't tell you exactly  what to expect but they can give you an idea based on what others have experienced,   The one thing I was told I could absolutely expect is cold sensitivity.  The particular chemo I was on affects your nerves causing you to become extremely sensitive to cold.  What they couldn't tell you is how sensitive you would become.  I had some major anxiety over starting this whole thing BUT what I did know in all the uncertainty is God was in the middle of everything, which gave me more peace than absolutely anything.

What I learned, along with how amazing God's promise to never leave you is, is to always take someone with you to major doctors appointments. As the patient you get overwhelmed very quickly. If you are like me at all, you hear key words and you basically just continue hearing those words over and over in your mind and it becomes hard to focus. So having someone else there gives you an extra set of eyes and ears to say "did you hear this?" "did they say that?". My mom was invaluable because we would decompress after appointments to make sure we heard the same, and her steadfast calm brought peace to me in a chaotic time. So if you are reading this thank you!! Also, get chu a momma like Bell Jackson!


Well, wasn't January a fun month? HAHA!

Until next time lovers!

XO!

December 2019

Hey Lovers!

So if you have been reading and following along so far in this journey of ours...we have been through 2 hospital stays, surgery, and countless medical tests. I was so happy that December was finally here! Traditionally December is my very favorite month of the year. Something about the warm colors of Christmas, Christmas music everywhere, my TV pretty much stays on Hallmark, so many sweet traditions, and very most important the birth of our Lord! SOOOO much good stuff packed into one month, but this year it would be different. 

Unfortunately, this would not be a typical year.  Remember how I told you I fought like crazy to get back on my feet and get back to work? Mission accomplished! I went back to work and it was the best feeling in the world and made me the most tired I have been at the same time.  I am a 0 or 100 kind of person, so it was hard on me to not be able to jump back in full force.  But let me tell you something, just having purpose each day made all the difference in the world for my mental health. Having a reason to get out of bed,  a real purpose other than occupying space on my couch,  made me be able to hold my head up again.  All the sudden, setting an alarm wasn't the worst thing in the world but a signal of life is getting back to normal.   Taking Jackson out for his morning walk wasn't a chore anymore but a privilege.  Life is really in the little things, I have always known this but December 2019 really cemented it in my brain. 

While yes, I do feel like I parts of the holiday season got robbed from me.  I had to forgo many traditions One I especially missed was throwing my annual girlfriends party. I look forward to each year I gained a completely knew appreciation  for the smaller things in life.  One of my favorite memories from the Holiday Season this year was my parents coming over one evening getting all my Christmas stuff out and insisting I decorate my living room, I didn't realize how much I would need that, but they did, and I am so grateful for their wisdom in knowing I would need that,  I shopped almost completely off of amazon, which was a new experience for me as well. I like to go out to the stores shop and hunt for that perfect gift. That wasn't physically possible this year but that's ok.  

Really, the timing could not have been better. I worked for about 3 weeks and then was off for our regularly scheduled Christmas Vacation.  Now, I don't remember if I told you this before BUT before I got sick my friend Lauren and I planned a trip to NYC to be there over the New Year.   When the surgeon and I were discussing surgery and recovery....my main concern was that my trip wasn't going to be missed.    This trip had several bucket list items on our agenda. 

#1 seeing the Radio City Rockettes Christmas Spectacular.  I can't explain to you how much it meant to me to finally see this show live and in person.  I am 5'2" so being a Rockette was never in the cards for me but I always looked to them in awe as a kid growing up as a dancer.  I cried when we booked our tickets and fan girled when we were able to meet one of the girls on the current Rockette line.  We even sat next to two ladies who had been traveling together forever (much like us) and every year they come to see the show. They were so giddy it was our first time...so fun sitting by them! 

#2 seeing Wicked on Broadway. wow. wow. wow. This is one of my favorite shows and I have seen the touring company many places but never in New York, There is something about seeing a show in it's "home" that adds a certain extra excitement  to it and it didn't disappoint one bit! 

#3 we got to see The big Rockafellar Plaza tree. ok, ok,..im gonna say it. It was a bit underwhelming. It was beautiful but I pictured it bigger and differently for some reason. But none the less it was so amazing to get to see it in person!

We had the most wonderful week of sight seeing, running around NYC, seeing shows and spending time laughing and just living.  We had the cutest little apartment but we would literally come in shower and throw ourselves in bed, get up and get out the door and do it all again,   I have never slept so good in my life! By the end of the week we were pros at ordering on the go foods from a deli and jumping on the train to "get to town" as we say.  Leaving to come home was bitter sweet. The trip was straight from God, at the exact right time in my life I needed it most.   

I'm going to leave you with a few pictures from our trip.  But as I wrap this post up about a mostly celebratory month a bible verse sticks out to me that really is a theme of my whole experience.  It is John 11:4 " This sickness will not end in death, No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified though it".  The funny thing about that verse is this, that has been/is my specific prayer and just recently that specific verse was brought to light! If there is one thing I want to convey from this experience it is how amazing God is. He completely went before me to pave the way , stood beside me with comfort and peace, and stayed behind me always making sure I was safe.  It's because of HIM I had and have a peace that passes all understanding.

Until next time...yep....2020 is on deck....if we only knew what was coming amiright?! 

XO!!!