Hello!!
So, you are probably sitting there thinking...A blog...really Priscilla? If you know me AT ALL you know my love for journaling and equally how bad I am at it. I never quite know what to say to well...myself.....which is a very weird concept if you think about it anyway!! SO that is reason number one, I figure if i atleast imagine people reading this it would be easier to write. Reason two, I am told I am entertaining with my facebook..so why not have something with more substance you can read?! Yes?
My plan is just to kind of talk about whatever is on my mind that day...the good, the bad and the ugly. I will probably talk about teaching experiences, friends, family, love, laughter....nothing held back except it will be very family friendly!! SO be assured of that....
What's on your mind tonight then? GOOD QUESTION!!!
Regret...Life is full of it and it sucks! I have been thinking about past relationships that went wrong and what I regret about them. As much as I want to blame them completely....because of course I am perfect and could NEVER make a mistake....HA!!! yea right....I must take at least 51% of the blame. Not to go into details but I was actually treated very well by my EX's and I was too stupid to see it at the time. Of course it wasn't perfect, nor do I think I would still be with the majority of them still today BUT I could have been a better girlfriend. I am not really sure where my thoughts on regret are coming from but its been heavy on my mind today.
I not only mean regret with love but I have regrets everyday in my teaching! I go home most days thinking shoulda...coulda....woulda.....and "If I only...." I have that struggle inside all the time. I am not sure when teaching became more of a lifestyle than a job, but it sure is. Any of you reading this that are teachers know where I am coming from. It's not something you can just pick up when you walk in the door and leave it at 3:30 when your shift is over. I think its probably because we work with young children and I want to be the best for them....but ALAS, I am human and make mistakes practically every hour of the day! I suppose you just do your best and hope that God uses it to open young minds. My wonderful teaching partner and I were chatting while our kids were finishing up aI video during lunch (Pippi Longstocking! oh yes...we just finished the novel the kids are in love!) ANYWAY...we were talking about the types of kids that end up in my classes and she said I have a gift for dealing with kids who need extra lovin'. LOL! I truly love them, but gosh THEY have the gift of sending me home most days questioning myself.
I just turned 26 a few weeks ago...I think this year is going to be my year without regret. I am sort of a push over when it comes to helping people(the yes woman if you will)...and in turn someone usually ends up being hurt because someone gets put on the back burner. I just want to be able to say I have done what I can to help everyone I can with whatever they need and with no regrets because someone had to be hurt because of it!!
well folks, that is my heart tonight....regret sucks and I want to do what I can to avoid it! thanks for reading my babble!! :)
~Priscilla~
Great first post, Priscilla!
ReplyDeleteI think we, as women, hold the market on regrets & guilt. We second guess ourselves constantly & always feel an urgency to correct things and do them better 'next time'. But take heart. Being AWARE of the fact that maybe something could be done differently is so awesome! Remember that so many teachers will walk out the door with their chin up assuming that how they handled things was just perfect! Pride...ugh.